This past week has been a rather rough one for me and my husband. On Monday, we decided it was time to say goodbye to our lovely ginger cat, Alex. She was diagnosed with diabetes back in October, and since then, she’s really struggled. Though we had the diabetes under control, she was experiencing reoccurring bouts of pancreatitis, an incredibly painful condition. And so, it was time.
That’s Alex, hanging out in her favorite place this past summer. That’s how we’d like to remember her.
Since Monday, I’ve been thinking about many things, but most of all, time: how we use time, how we spend time, how we can’t turn back time despite wanting to so badly it hurts. In particular, I’ve been thinking about how I’ve used my time since this whole author thing happened, and if I’m truly honest, I know I’ve haven’t been spending it as well as I should. That really hits home when I wonder if I could have spent more and better quality time with Alex. Regret is such a bitter pill to swallow, because you can’t undo it – you can only go forward and try to improve, and that’s what I’ve vowed to do.
Because of that, I’m rethinking things. How can I best spend my time? I don’t have any hard and fast answers, but I do remember something James Hillman wrote about in his book THE SOUL’S CODE, about the importance of growing deep roots, of engaging with every moment, of being absolutely, positively present. When I’m online, I don’t do that. So, it’s time to see my computer for what it is: a tool I use to write. Nothing more, and that means I’m planning on spending more time living in the real world, and less time living online (I have many thoughts about this – they may end up in a story).
There are so many stories to tell, and so many stories to hear, and so many paths to walk, and so many gardens to plant and cats to snuggle and pieces of sea glass to marvel over…and we only have so many days given to us. I’ve promised myself to be more conscious of how I’m spending those days, and, to the best of my ability, to spend them in the best way possible.
It’s time to put this new way of being into action – no time like the present, right? As a result, I won’t be updating this blog as often as I have (which, admittedly, hasn’t been all that often) – I have stories to write! And the only way they get written is to put one word after the next.
So, it’s time to away. Because, to quote Rumi: “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
Wishing everyone that very same joy…